"To drive is to die" -Mr. Eckelstone

Mr. Eckelstone is a recurring character portrayed by Matt Meese, who characteristically exaggerates dangers out of proportion, terrifying those around him.


Age 79-121+</p> <p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[348,849,0,0]}">Mr. Ecklestone states that "statistically [he] should have died seventeen and a half times" in the skit Driver's Ed, and that he's "been teaching this course for over ten decades" (one hundred years). We already see his proneness to exaggeration- To be a driving instructor, you must be at least 21 years old; which would place his age at 121+. Or perhaps, he really is telling the truth. However, driver's ed began in 1934. Which would place his age at around 79, assuming the skit is placed in 2013.</p>

Irrational FearsEdit

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[873,1226,0,0]}">Mr. Ecklestone, while a Driver's Ed instructor, is known to be notoriously skeptical of the safety of cars, stating that "with each new venture out onto the road [he] takes [his] fate into [his] hands". He even offers the student driver and her passengers a chance to exit the "death machine"; adding that the securing of a seatbelt is just an illusion.</p>


<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[1242,1815,0,0]}">His right hand is known to have no feeling and is really quite limp, and we can conclude that it has not always been this way by his use of the term "no longer". In addition he has an "enormous cataract" in his left eye. His hand sometimes causes him difficulties, as seen in his inability to buckle his own seatbelt. Mr. Ecklestone may suffer from delusional disorder, which explains his constant irrational fears. If this is true, it may be possible that the lack of usability in his right hand is just a delusion, as is his conflicting statements about his age and such.</p>


<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[1829,2468,0,0]}">Despite being outrageously exaggerating of dangers on the road, Mr. Ecklestone has been a driver's ed instructor for over one hundred years (which is impossible, but continuing on). While he's correct about dangers in driving, he doesn't express them as would be normal (eg. intersections are the devil's playground, and left turns are his swingset). He also believes that it is unnatural for people to travel in cars and similar "vehicular nightmares" (he has the same beliefs about indoor plumbing and Taco Bell), and as a consequence of all this causes Mallory to commit suicide by jumping out of the moving car.</p>

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[2470,3376,0,0]}">Mr. Ecklestone is also a Boyscout Leader substitute for Scoutmaster Dan on a troop hunting trip (consisting of six boy scouts). Most of the boys bring hunting rifles, but it should be noted that Mr. Ecklestone has an old-fashion duel pistol. The same as when he was a driving instructor, Mr. Ecklestone begins to terrify his pupils. His two rules are to always wait for his command to open fire, and never let "them" smell your fear. He even goes to the measure of putting cyanide capsules in each of the boy's packs in case they are overrun by squirrels and porcupines. When a boy scout comments on not wanting to die, Mr. Ecklestone tells him that he should have stayed home- the woods are where men go to die. Some may say it's brave to go and face your fear of woodland creatures, but Mr. Ecklestone does nothing to help the boys when they are terrified and actually uses them as a human shield at</p> [1]From the sketch Mr. Ecklestone Lamaze <p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[3448,3458,0,0]}">one point.</p>

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[3460,3822,0,0]}">Finally, Mr. Eckleston is also a lamaze instructor and certified midwife, replacing Thelma as the normal instructor. He has been present for the birth of 137 babies, most of them human. His view of newborns is that they are precious, innocent, and hideously ugly (telling the expecting mothers that their baby's faces will be remarkably similar to his own.) </p>


<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[3838,4103,0,0]}">Mr. Ecklestone makes several references to heaven and hell, as well as one to St. Peter. He may be Catholic or another Christian denomination- although he did make a remark as to Atheism in the sketch Driver's Ed. This remark, however, was clearly oppositional.</p>


In SketchesEdit

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[4138,4196,3,3]}">Driver's Ed</p>

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[4197,4256,3,3]}">Hunting Trip</p>

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[4257,4283,0,0]}">Mr. Eckelestone Lamaze</p>